I feel tired, ragged and overwhelmed. I feel like I’m always chasing my tail and that I never have time to finish things.
Today I had a meltdown. I’ve been teary most of the day. I went into one of those downward spirals where suddenly everything had a negative spin to it. And then I stacked it up into an insurmountable pile just to complete the job of making myself feel like total crap.
To be perfectly honest I couldn’t be arsed to write tonight. I’m tired and I really just want to watch telly and switch my brain off. But I committed to this 30 day challenge so I’m sticking to it with every stubborn bone in my body.
My poor partner got a day of tears from me today. All day on and off. I’ve just been a total basket case. It’s taken me the best part of the day to really break it down and work out what the problem is. Aside from stacking the bad (sooooo not productive) when it all boiled down to it the problem was I am ragged. I stay up way too late doing ‘stuff’ and still get up early to do ‘stuff’. What is all this super important ‘stuff’ I have to do?
I went through a stage of blaming my children for my lack of time. ‘I can’t because of the boys’. Thankfully I snapped out of that a while ago and started just being grateful for having them in my life. The realisation came when I got hooked on the Twilight series and was suddenly able to find oodles of time for reading!
Today’s teary day finally ended in ENOUGHHHHHHHHH!!!
Something had to give.
So, I created a weekly schedule… Something that includes everything… work, yoga, child time, me time, writing time, eating time, housework, shopping… everything.
It was a surprising exercise. I realised a few things:
- There are only so many hours in the week.
- There are actually a lot of hours in the week.
- There is ample time for me to get plenty of stuff done and relax too.
- I waste A LOT of time.
- Rome wasn’t built in a day!!
So, I’ve scheduled in all the stuff I need to get done in the way of work and chores. I’ve also scheduled in time for learning and being creative. And most importantly I’ve scheduled in fun time with the family and time just for me.
Crazy that it feels selfish to have ‘me’ time. But sooooo important. If you’re not looking after yourself first then you don’t have much to give anyone else. It’s a hard lesson to learn. Especially for a mother (most of us mothers are used to putting everyone else first).
I’ll post about this again in a week and let you know how having (and sticking to) a weekly schedule has (hopefully) improved my relationship with time.
This is Day Seven of a 30 day writing challenge
inspired by Matt Cutts on TED Talks.