10 Clever Quotes For A Chuckle

Photo credit: John Sones
Photo credit: John Sones

I don’t now about you but some days affirmations and inspirational quotes just irritate me.  They don’t encourage me at all, they just make me feel like kicking things. (Sure, on a good day I love those sugary sayings that make your heart sing and are normally accompanied by pictures with soft edges and pastel colours)… But some days they just don’t cut it.

Here are some great little sayings and quotes to make the corner of your mouth curl up ever so slightly. Yeah I know, you’re doing your best to sulk but see if you can get through these without a smirk or maybe even a chuckle!…


ONE
: Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words. – Calvin & Hobbes

Our parents teach us that swearing is bad, even though they do it… And I’ve continued the same message with my children, but apparently haven’t been able to lead by example… When my eldest son was about two he was sitting in a sandpit trying to reach his drink bottle. When it toppled over, out of his reach he said “for f…’s sake”. Oops, must remember absolutely no swearing in front of the children!

Fair dibs two year olds swearing is not appropriate, but there are times in life when nothing other than a swear word will do.


TWO
: Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream. – Malcolm Muggeridge

Don’t float down stream like a floppy dead fish, do it your way!

 

hillary-clinton
Hillary Clinton

THREEBehind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

A friend told me a story about Hillory Clinton recently. She and Bill were in her home town, they pulled up to get gas and she commented that the guy filling their tank had been one of her boyfriends at school. Bill said “well dear, you could have ended up married to a service station worker”. Hillory said “no dear, he would have been the president”.


FOUR: Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. – Robert Benchley

Sometimes it truly is, best to say nothing. Something I’m not all that good at!


FIVE: Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Robert Benchley

Is there any such thing as the truth? Apparently it’s out there, but definitely not to be found in the media…Why let the truth get in the way of a good story anyway!

 

Lily Tomlin
Lily Tomlin |  Photo by      Gary Johnson

SIX: I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

Lily is such a funny lady. What a great dry wit. This list was very nearly half full of Lily quotes but I went for variety instead. This particular quote is a good reminder to be specific about what you wish for.


 SEVEN: I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. – Carl Sandburg

I’m an idealist too. How about you? I don’t know if my ideals are actually achievable but I’m proceeding on the assumption that they are.


 EIGHT: If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

Did your mother say this to you? The first part anyway? Mine did. I’m the eldest so I always had to set the example and be the model of good behaviour. What a drag.


NINE: My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. – Ellen DeGeneres

This quote bears absolutely no message or advice. It’s just funny!


TEN: 
Good things happen to those who hustle –
Anais Nin

This however is great advice. One of my favourite quotes… If you want good stuff to happen… get hustling. “Hustle” is a great word.

How’d you do? Did you make it through straight faced and silent?

This is Day 19 of my 30 day writing challenge
inspired by Matt Cutts on TED Talks.

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One thought on “10 Clever Quotes For A Chuckle

  1. Thank you I enjoyed that. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific” was my favourite of the day followed by “Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words” lol. Lots of fun but also gets me thinking, who do I want to be?

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